The Linkin Park Lawyer: A Review

Like a phoenix from the ashes…

I googled "phoenix/ashes" and this came up, seriously.

….I (He Who Shall Remain Nameless) return to the blog. And I return with a bang, or should I say a McCaoasnansoughy (sic). That’s right folks. I checked out Wooderson’s new flick The Lincoln Lawyer last night. And despite Michael Pena’s best, er, worst effort, it was actually quite good.

"NTGUILTY" = nut guilty???

Now, just to clarify, I saw The Lincoln Lawyer, a noir thriller about a defense attorney wrestling with guilt and his conscious, not The Linkin Park Lawyer, a small film about the band’s lawyer who negotiates high-stakes deals like the band agreeing to move their iTunes price from $0.99 (is there not a cent sign on a keyboard?) to $1.29 and has to run errands like go get the honey for the lead singer to gargle after the concert because his vocal chords are so sore from basically just screaming his ass off for two hours singing beautifully.

Cute vest! Is that Kelly Osborne on it? So hot right now

Anywho, the movie was pretty good. Very solid. Matthew McConaughey picked a very good vehicle to return to acting with. The writing is sharp and the film wastes little time picking up speed and getting into the story. You can definitely get the L.A. noir feel right from the start, which I something I really enjoyed. McConaughey really shows off his acting chops that a lot of us haven’t seen since Ghosts of Girlfriends Past A Time to Kill.

Wait, so he has a bunch of dead girlfriends? What?! Is he a serial killer or something? Based off this poster the dude's in his mid-30s and has THREE dead girlfriends???

William H. Macy, Marisa Tomei and Ryan Phillipe chime in with great performances. As obnoxious as I find William H. Macy (and I find him VERY obnoxious) he still can’t hold a candle to how much Michael Pena gets on my nerves. He used to kind of bother me, but after Battle: LA, I have a personal movie vendetta against everyone who was involved in the making of that film. Even you Michelle Rodriguez! Although you showed great range in the film, playing a rough, around the edges, sassy tom girl, you still let the movie happen! You could’ve stopped it! C’mon! I’ve seen your movies, I know you’re unstoppable. Oy Vey.

Back to the film. The plot is pretty nonstop the entire movie. Kept 100% of my attention through the end. Which is where I have my only quip of the film. While I intentionally left out a lot of plot rundown in this review because it’d be hard to give it without giving away spoilers (read: I’m lazy), once you see the film you’ll know there is one point where the movie should just end. But it doesn’t. It goes on for probably another 15-20 minutes. Instead of ending with a BANG, it kind of just flutters out.

Overall a really solid movie, definitely worth checking out. More than just a good popcorn movie, pretty good thriller. It’s good to back on the blog, my partner in grime (He Who Shall Also Remain Nameless) has done some fabolus work here and I’m looking forward to seeing you all again.

Btw the camera on your laptop is on, I can see everything…My God.

That's more like it

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