Archive for June, 2010

Brundlefly Lifetime Achievement Award

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on June 30, 2010 by brundleflyonthewall

Yes. Harvey Keitel. A man amongst boys. The consummate cool criminal type. Harvey is in elite company here at Brundlefly being only the second recipient of this prestigious award. Whilst perusing Keitel’s filmography I was actually a little underwhelmed by what I was seeing, hold on allow me to finish, I had this image in my head of Harvey Keitel as this mega-superstar tough guy, he’s been in thousands of good roles. Actually, not really. He’s done a lot of stuff I’ve never heard of. He’s done a lot of stuff that doesn’t look too good. So then you’re saying, “but how did he earn this award?” My friends, ’tis not the volume of the work, but the quality of the work that makes a man a memorable screen force. Harvey has been so money in his select few non-lead roles in great movies that he just sticks out in the mind like a man that is far more prevalent than he is. The man’s badassery is most noticeable in the films Reservoir Dogs, Bad Lieutenant, Pulp Fiction, Sister Act, From Dusk Til Dawn and Copland. While not starring in any of those films, he leaves an indelible mark upon those movies, which all of them are absolute man-standard, must-see films. Seriously, that list doubles as the greatest movies made between 1992 and 1997 (it doesn’t include Heat, I know, but that might be the only movie worth seeing from this time period not listed) and a list of movies Harvey Keitel was in between 1992 and 1997. That’s awesome. It’s like the Bulls six titles in eight years. He did so much with non-lead roles that there isn’t one guy who doesn’t hear his name and think of one of these awesome movies.

You put together a run like that and everything else is the icing on the cake. I seriously challenge you to find me a better five year period of awesome films than that. I really can’t think of one. Congratulations, Harvey, this award is well earned.

Only real men smoke crack and get nude on film.

A Special Sneak Peek

Posted in Uncategorized on June 30, 2010 by brundleflyonthewall

I was granted an early look at a chilling new movie from the producer of Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I’m not sure the scenes I saw are even legal to post on the internet but here is the poster. Take a look for yourself.

 

It feels good to be right…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on June 25, 2010 by brundleflyonthewall

Many of you may have been upset last week when I chose not to view Jonah Hex and insisted it was going to be a turd. First of all, how dare you, I am a very busy person and I was at home doing extremely important things last Wednesday when I wasn’t at the theater watching that movie…

Anyway, vindication is the word of the day as Jonah Hex is currently tracking a mind-numbing 12% on Rotten Tomatoes. Sometimes you’re right in this business and it’s only appropriate to point it out and revel in it for weeks when it happens. Although, to be honest, predicting that Jonah Hex was gonna be shitty is like looking at Lindsay Lohan after her third cocaine arrest and saying “Hmm, I don’t know what it is but I don’t think she’s headed in the right direction.” Duh, the movie had a semi-automatic crossbow and horse mounted Gatling guns displayed prominently in its marketing. That’s a tramp stamp of movies.

Here though is a dissenting opinion (sort of) on Jonah Hex. Filmdrunk enjoyed Hex for its unabashed shittiness: check it.

I’m not saying I agree with this because that would mean I would have to see it but this makes it more likely that when  I happen upon Jonah Hex on Cinemax in a few months, I just might pour a stiff drink and set the remote down for a whopping 72 minute runtime.

Continued lack of hustle… and a Grown Ups review (sort of)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2010 by brundleflyonthewall

Sorry for the delay. I wanted to share some thoughts before I begin a long weekend of binge drinking patriotism. I did go screen Grown Ups this week, yes really, I did this for you, not for myself. And it was exactly as bad as you knew it was going to be. I really don’t feel like this film deserves even the minimal effort I would put in to discuss it. I will discuss one scene from the film and use it as a microcosm of the entire movie. To set up the scene briefly, Adam Sandler is some sort of nouveau riche L.A. type who doesn’t want his friends to know how riche he is (I’m not sure on what exactly he does because I was twenty minutes late to the screening), anyway, so his primary concern is hiding how spoiled and obnoxious his kids and wife are. So, as they’re arriving at the lake house (the setting for the “comedy”) his son, age 14 approx., sees a regular, non flat-screen television. He inquires of Adam Sandler, “Hey dad, what is that on the back the TV?!” (pointing to the plastic encasing all the electronics) Upon learning that TVs have not always been flat-screens the 14 year old responds “Wow! That’s some stone age shizznit!”

There was just such an energy and a sincerity to his portrayal of perennial underdog Paul Blart. I wish Mr. James had brought 1/10 the comedic genius to Grown Ups.

Okay, just a few thoughts before I never mention the movie Grown Ups ever again. First of all, one would have to be pretty fucking dumb to be a 14 year old that has never seen an old TV before. They still effing make them! 90 percent of homes probably still have one in there somewhere. They’re in countless films and commercials and TV shows’ he must have seen some form of media made before the year 2006. What this “comedic observation” is supposed to do is establish the disconnect between Adam Sandler’s modest childhood with his own children’s more extravagant lifestyle; this disconnect that has happened over 14 years will of course be reconciled within the film’s 100 minute runtime. What this “comedic observation” actually does is piss me off. It’s the type of joke that 40 something year old parents are supposed to hear and laugh at because they think ‘oh yes haha, my own child probably doesn’t remember when those TVs were high-tech’. The dolt’s response though is what is even more upsetting than the initial inquiry. He drops a ‘shizznit’ on the audience…I’m sorry, what? The kid who has never laid eyes on a regular TV is dropping reference to Snoop Dogg circa 2002? Now let’s remove ourselves from the reality of the film and discuss this joke in terms of its source. This joke clearly shows that Adam Sandler and Kevin James or whoever co-wrote this steaming pile are putting in something that they think a young person might say, and something that another 40 year old watching the movie in a theater would think a young person might say, so that is how you arrive at a 14 year old making a reference that he would’ve had to pick up from Snoop Dogg when he was 6 years old. (Would a 14 year old even have a concept of who Snoop Dogg  was outside of his random cameos and appearances? I have to imagine the entirety of his Death Row record days would be lost on anyone in their teens or younger). Anyway the movie sucks.

I’ll link you over to Filmdrunk and let you take a look at Vince’s re-telling of the plot using only negative critic’s reviews because I’m too lazy to bother making more fun of this movie and they do a good job over at Filmdrunk: check it

Since it’s Friday here’s a few fun things to peruse on the interwebs.

Site News-Wednesday screening cancelled due to a lack of hustle

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on June 16, 2010 by brundleflyonthewall

Well it’s wednesday. This should mean me rushing to the mega-plex to screen some Friday releases so I can have a review up by early tomorrow morning and my readers will be informed as to whether their friday plans should involve getting blackout drunk and seeing a movie or getting blackout drunk and doing something else. However, the only Friday release I would screen is Jonah Hex, and frankly, I think this movie is gonna suck something awful and I am not going to go watch it. Call it unethical, call it lazy, whatever. I was initially pretty excited when I heard the first deets of Jonah Hex. It’s based on a long running comic book that is actually pretty enjoyable,

It has a solid source, a good cast and so the initial thought was that the movie was going to be pretty cool.

Oh, and that doesn’t hurt the film’s chances. So I was all amped up for a dark, Sin City-esque take on mysticism, violence and the old west. But then more previews started coming out and I was noticing less Frank Miller and more Brett Ratner. And the movie’s fate was sealed when I saw the final poster and what was added to it. I’ll show both the original teaser poster and the final for comparison’s sake.

Here is the original teaser poster. It shows Jonah Hex holding the ubiquitous Colt Peacemaker, Megan Fox with a discreet edged weapon and the whole scene hints at a dark, brooding film with lots of potential. And then, the marketing took a different turn,

Dude, come the f*ck on. The Peacemaker is replaced with some sort of semi-automatic handheld crossbow *dismissive wank*, he is also wielding a crank turned Gatling gun single handed *has not stopped dismissively wanking*. And if you watched the preview you might’ve noticed that the Gatling gun makes its appearance when he has two of them mounted on either side of his horse *sigh* yes…really. John Malkovich appears to be holding a fireball for some reason…where have I seen such a thing before?…

gay.

Dude, any comparison I can make between your movie and Dragonball Z cannot possibly be construed as complimentary. But why the utter change in tone from one poster to the next? It’s really upsetting to think that highly paid individuals saw the ultimate conflict resolution tool, the Colt Peacemaker, and decided it was good but would be better if it was a totally made up semi-automatic, handheld crossbow that perhaps only Hugh Jackman’s Van Helsing could appreciate. Even Megan Fox’s hooker with a heart of gold was updated to carry some crap double barreled .22. I couldn’t be more repulsed by the decision to do a 180 on the marketing of the film. Jonah Hex is easily the heir apparent to another super-science fueled western turd…

gay.

Long story short, I will not see this movie…ever. I want the money back that I didn’t spend on a free screening I’m not attending.

When reached for comment on his way out of the Jonah Hex screening, Mr. Obama said: "A semi-automatic crossbow, horse mounted mini-guns and fireballs? Gay. I'll head down to Gulf if I want to see a never ending disaster."

Jump the Shark vol. 371

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on June 16, 2010 by brundleflyonthewall

Let’s continue the discussion of great film franchises that went the way of the Dodo Chris Klein.

Home Alone

Trust me, I don’t want to tear these movies to pieces any more than you do, I love them as much as anyone, but dammit, no one is above the law. If crappy sequels are made, I will investigate and find the source of the crap. The original Home Alone is inarguably the seminal film of many of our youths. Its clever blending of child empowerment, laughs, danger, and guys getting hit in the groin was an undeniably excellent combination that resonates still with anyone who grew up watching young Kevin McAllister battle ne’er do well criminal archetypes Marv and Harry (collectively known as the Wet Bandits…duh).

But, as we all know, excellence of that level is unsustainable, and the series must unavoidably plummet from the great heights of the original. Okay, so saying the series (there are 4 films) did not sustain its original excellence is not such a controversial thing to say; when, though, did this bastion of children’s filmmaking excellence turn that corner? When did it Jump the Shark? *dramatic music*

My theory points to a single image as the moment when the S.S. McAllister turned her bow away from the clear waters of childhood rambunctiousness and towards the rocky embankment of straight to DVD sequels.

Do you recognize and remember this moment? Well, in case you don’t, it’s the moment you found out mommy and daddy were getting a divorce, the moment you got stuffed in a locker for having a Star Wars lunchbox and the moment you got an awkward boner in Math class all rolled into one singular moment of cinematic shit. Marv’s skeleton appears after he’s electrocuted and my world was similarly rocked. This marks the first time the pranks turned from innocent tomfoolery to attempted murder. Kevin follows this little prank up by ensuring nails are driven through Marv’s feet (the Jesus imagery is overwhelming here and really shows the unexpected depth that Daniel Stern achieved with the seemingly topical Marv). Kevin later hurls bricks from the roof of a third story brownstone into the waiting skull of Marv…Ummm, what? He literally throws a brick as hard as he can from fifty feet up and the brick strikes Marv right in the dome. That’s not a hilarious prank, that’s a crushed skull. Kevin later lights a rope that Marv and Harry are climbing on fire as the two dangle helplessly two stories over the sidewalk. Kevin’s viciousness and murderous intentions are alarming to say the least. Clearly the filmmakers decided Kevin was done screwin’ around with paint cans and marbles and was gonna move straight to cranial avulsion and 3rd degree burns. He’s gonna have a hard time explaining to the cops how self defense involved this much pre-meditated torture.

So, with a thorough shark jumping out of the way, Home Alone was clear to go balls to the wall and make two more tortuous sequels that only Pete Hammond could love.

First of all, I’d like to congratulate the marketing department for managing to fit 3 different taglines onto the one poster. At least, and thank god I can say this, French Stewart didn’t manage to find his way into this movi…

Godammit French Stewart. What the hell is wrong with that kid’s eyes? Did they break into his house on day four of a coke bender?

If you made it through more than 48 seconds of that, congratulations, you’re a glutton for punishment.

It's the same face I made when I learned it wasn't a horrible prank that French Stewart was starring as Marv.

Finally a worthy Sequel!

Posted in Uncategorized on June 16, 2010 by brundleflyonthewall

As we all know, most sequels suck. But every now and again we are given a gift by the movie studio gods. A film so promising that I’m ready to crown it already as champion of sequels. I am of course referring to the movie Valentine’s Day, now I know there is some ‘spiritual sequel’ in the works called New Year’s Eve but that’s not what I’m referring too. There is a plan to make a true sequel to this excellent film, and that plan is so ambitious that they are actually skipping Valentine’s Day 2 and going ahead and calling this Valentine’s Day 3. I have been granted an exclusive look at the poster for the upcoming film and I think it looks like they’re taking the film in some exciting directions. Injecting new blood while keeping the core of what made the first film so outstanding. Take a look…

I really should've spent less time making this photo, and more time talking to women or something.