Bad Guy of the Week

In the words of Tone Loc, “Lez do it”…

Your winner of this week’s Bad Guy of the Week…

bloodsport(1)Chong Li from Bloodsport!! This is one bad Chinese dude. Mega buff, super tan, uber mean, and wicked good at kung fu. What the hell else do you need to know about Chong Li? He gets pissed off, rages and kicks helpless asses for a living. He’s in the business of beating the shit out of posers, and business is indeed recession proof.

Take a look at Chong Li in action,

Wow. What a supreme example of pounding anus. Where some men wake up in the morning, put on a suit and go push papers all day; Chong Li tells the woman he’s with to quit performing fellatio, then straps on a head band and kicks asses for six to seven hours before returning to his crib to resume being being pleasured.

What makes Chong Li such a formidable opponent is his desire to not only win the match, but to maim or permanently incapacitate his adversary. He also cheats a lot which is a very bad guy thing to do.

Someone is about to have their ass handed to them in one of those chinese food boxes.

Someone is about to have their ass handed to them in one of those chinese food boxes.

Bonus clip of the entire final showdown between Frank Dux and Chong Li:

Savor the flavor of those eight minutes of cinema history.

Bad Guy of the Week Runner Up:

Your not quite the baddest bad guy of the week is…

johnny lawrenceJohnny Lawrence from karate Kid! We’re sticking within the realm of karate movie bad guys with this one and I really struggled with whether Mr. Lawrence was bad enough to win the award (though not this week because he doesn’t hold a candle to Chong Li). What it really came down to was the fact that Johnny Lawrence is mean and the bad guy in this movie but he really isn’t all that mean, more of a douche. Douche bags don’t throw sand in you eyes to make it easier to kill you or break your best friend’s spine for shits and gigs, that’s bad guy stuff. I feel like with Johnny Lawrence if you just convinced his parents to not pay his credit card bill or something you would effectively break him and that’s what holds him back from winning a bad guy of the week award. That and this picture:

We're here and we're queer

We're here and we're queer.

This is not a picture that a bad guy of the week would ever be found in. This picture is of four best friends at a karate tournament that they probably cannot legally drive themselves to. Chong Li doesn’t have any friends to even take a picture with. If he did have friends, he would sleep with their women and take pictures of that and mail it to them and all their co-workers. That is his definition of friendship. So point is, Chung Li= Bad mother fucker and supreme champ of all things bad, Johnny Lawrence= kind of douchey.

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