Movie Review-Orphan

Bitches be crazy

Bitches be crazy

In Short:

This movie is genuinely creepy throughout. The pacing is spot on to create great tension and atmosphere. Very well acted, there is nothing to take you out of this thriller with a chilling twist at the end. Go see this movie, it is genuinely scary and you’ll enjoy it.

Full Review:

Orphan is a really interesting film because it’s one you were not necessarily expecting to be as good as it is. In today’s movie market which is flooded with these cheap, crappy, interchangeable horror movies it’s nice to get something different and something very well done. I’m not going to sit and recount plot to you because the premise is simple: family with some deep seeded issues adopts a girl, things begin to go wrong, predictably “There’s something wrong with Esther” as the tagline clearly reads. But while this is by no means new, unoriginal premise does not take away from what is really a good horror film. The film’s strong suit is the pacing, it builds and builds adding layer and layer of questions and hints at what the twist will be. There’s great dramatic irony of you seeing Esther one way while the parents have yet to see this Esther. The movie is so creepy and scary because it has earned those scares with intelligent writing, directing and editing.

I have no problem admitting I'd be waking up with a load of chocolate pudding in my pants if I saw this creepy shit in my room.

I have no problem admitting I'd be waking up with a load of chocolate pudding in my pants if I saw this creepy shit in my room.

Which brings me to a rant on other films before I continue. Most of the horror movies that come out now are of the “unseen evil force” variety, perhaps most recently A Haunting in Turkmenistan Connecticut but there are countless others that arent even worth looking up for to list here. These movies can have a some good scares or creepy moments but they are cheap scares because when your villain is just this evil force it allows you to do anything. You don’t have to logically set up any scares, you can just have a woman at home alone and then she just sees a decomposing head in the refrigerator, the crowd screams, she looks away and looks back and the food has returned the head is gone. That’s how all those movies work. Evil force is such a copout way to make something scary because there’s no rhyme or reason to the scares it’s just whatever random image or noise will be scary. Orphan is much more impressive for working within the confines of a family adopting a child but then it’s turned and twisted until it’s something crazy that has has you genuinely scared. It’s old school, it’s why Exorcist is so often called the greatest horror film of all time, because it has a legitimate creepy feeling that builds to outright panic and that is so hard to achieve. While I’m not heaping Exorcist praise on Orphan I do highly recommend this movie because it scares you the right way.

This is 12 year old actress Isabelle Fuhrman and she scares the living shit out of me. Oh, what's that? You aren't scared of her? Well in the words of Yoda, "You will be."

This is 12 year old actress Isabelle Fuhrman and she scares the living shit out of me. Oh, what's that? You aren't scared of her? Well in the words of Yoda, "You will be."

Final Thoughts:

Get excited for underrated hottie Vera Farmiga to get banged in a kitchen.

Welcum to the Babezone. Population: Vera Farmiga

Welcum to the Babezone. Population: Vera Farmiga

Perennial mancrush champ Leo Dicaprio produced this movie, so you know it’s good.

There's no reason for his picture to be included. Our site just might get more hits this way.

There's no reason for his picture to be included. Our site just might get more hits this way.

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