Bad Guy of the Week

Here we go readers, another week and another bad dude that needs to be recognized for his or her contributions to the world of skulldugery and generally anti-social behavior. Let’s just get on with it, your winner is…

I know you trusted me as the voice of Sam Fisher, but this isn't xbox, nerd, this is fuckin Mars.

I know you trusted me as the voice of Sam Fisher, but this isn't xbox, nerd, this is fuckin Mars.

Richter from Total Recall. While admittedly not the so called “main” bad guy of the film, Cohagen was a giant pencil pushing pussy and would not last ten seconds with Andy Richter in the octagon (Ed. Note: read as: giant…pencil pushing pussy NOT like a pussy who pushes giant pencils.) Richter is the man who hounds our hero Arnold at all turns, relentless in his pursuit. He has a personal score to settle because Richter’s girlfriend is Sharon Stone who is Arnold’s fake wife; it seems kind of stupid to let your girlfriend get banged by a huge Austrian guy for a living, I would imagine you’d be the butt of more than a few jokes from the other evil henchmen. Perhaps that jealousy and embarrassment is what fuels his anger and resentment of Arnold…it’s a very unfortunate situation when love and business becum so intertwined, but it is not my place to be so nosy so I will pry no further.

Here we see some of that anger from Richter as he talks with boss Cohagen and clearly intends to be insubordinate and ignore directions on the capture of Arnold.

Truly a loose cannon and that is what makes him so bad. He will not even listen to other bad guys.

Richter has his fun but eventually Arnold tires of his shenanigans and gives him a good old fashioned ass kicking, enjoy:

Arnold, I do not think that Richter is in any condition to be attending parties, if he is lucky enough to have survived such a long fall he will need to be airlifted to a hospital for x-rays and mri’s to ascertain whether there is any damage to his spine, also, get those arms on ice immediately so that the attending surgeons have the greatest possible chance for successful reattachment surgery and…(ed. note: the sarcasm and irony of Arnold’s words is just dawning on me. I now see that he said “see you at the party” knowing full well that Richter was dead or at the very least incapacitated and unable to attend the party and that is in fact why he said it. My mistake.)

Anyway, so despite an industrial sized can of whoop ass being opened up and force fed to him at the end, Richter was a great bad guy and has well earned this week’s award.

And of course, you know I can’t mention the film Total Recall and not give you a picture of the Martian brothel’s most memorable babe, enjoy:


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