G.I. Bloe

I know I know, the G.I. Bloe thing is going to become overused cliche in a couple of weeks when the movie comes out, but you know what, you can go ahead and just sit on it. And I kept the “e” at the end, so I didn’t even make it say G.I. Blow.

In scouring the late night television circuit last night, flipping between Motocross Kids (Lorenzo Lamas is fantastic in this btw) and the groundbreaking new thriller/soft core porn series some¬†feminist show called the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency on HBO I caught a TV spot for the new G.I. Show movie. Sadly I think our young chap Channing Tatum may have taken a couple steps back in this one…


I just came out of a minor coma, that trailer has so much stupid sh*t in it that I temporarily just blacked out. Now first of all let’s attack the cliche that has appeared in every trailer for this movie since it’s Super Bowl debut:”Technically, we don’t exist”

What exactly does this mean? Do members of G.I. Joe not have to pay income taxes and Social Security? I’m sorry, I know our national security is our nation’s number 1 priority but at what cost? Is it fair that these G.I. Joe’s like Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans get to free load after they retire because “technically (they) don’t exist”? But that’s neither here nor there.

I would say that to you Marlon Wayans, that technically you do exist, because as you have the most high tech military equipment, that I’m assuming also doesn’t “exist”. This high grade equipment obviously requires a rather large sum of government funding, that meaning even to the U.S. Federal Government, who I would count as the authority on who does and does not “exist”, you do in fact exist.

Back to the trailer, I love the use of Kid Cock’s Rock’s American Bad Ass. He’s up there with John Denver and Paul Simon as far as singer/songwriters go, next to of course Robaire Zohmbie, or as you may know him, Rob Zombie. But I wish they would’ve let the song just play through and included these lyrics:

“The underground stoned f*ckin pimp
With tracks that mack and slap back the whack
Never gay, no way, I don’t play with ass
But watch me rock with Liberace flash”

I wish I could’ve turned that in as a haiku senior year.

kid_rock_fan_club.JPGIt’s depressing Kid Rock and the people who were involved in G.I. Joe make millions, but I try not to let it keep me down, because technically I don’t exist.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: