Girthy Shark vs. Kirstie Alley Sized Octopus

How can this movie possibly suck?!

How can this movie possibly suck?!

When I entered my local video store and saw Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus staring back at me from the shelf my initial thought was almost certainly the same as yours, “Jackpot. No need to peruse the rest of the new releases. My night, and possibly week, is made.” So I put down my copy of the latest Keira Knightley period piece and proceeded home with my bounty.

Oh boy was I in for a surprise. This “movie” really did not properly utilize digital effects or cinematography to weave  a frightening sucked. And from a guy who owns and treasures a laserdisc copy of Silent Night, Deadly Night you know that that criticism means something.

I know this is the part of a movie review where I detail plot, script and character flaws but it just really isn’t worth it. The formula for success was there: Renegade Lorenzo Lamas desperate for work + Debbie Gibson acting + abysmal effects + a shark attacking a plane at 30,000 feet = cinema history, right?? Wrong. You will be much happier and have more self respect if you spend the hour and a half run time of the movie instead watching Asian ladyboy vids in a public library.

Let me save you the trouble of suffering and provide you with the only minute of the movie you NEED to watch (and no the rest of the movie is not nearly this nerd boner inspiring)

Thats all I can bring myself to write on this gem.


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One Response to “Girthy Shark vs. Kirstie Alley Sized Octopus”

  1. […] As many of you I’m sure remember, one of the very first posts on this very site was a review of a very special film. A film that very bravely told Citizen Kane to “suck it”, told The Godfather to “fondle bomb your fat wife” and suggested Stanley Kubrick should “lick [his] asshole”, to which Brett Ratner added, “fuckin’ A right”. Take that hippies! Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus!!!! […]

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