Well friends, I thought this Friday the 13th would be all tricks and ghouls, but it appears Zeus and the gods have a bit of a treat in store today… As I’m sure most, if not all of you, follow Mr. Kutcher’s Twitter page religiously you have already heard this news.

But let us take a moment to really sit back and consider how great it will be to see Ashton Kutcher’s face every where… on subway trains, billboards, and probably even crude carvings in bus station bathroom stalls (I’ll be doing those). God forbid you want a CBS Sports broadcast without seeing 26 promos for this week’s zany episode.

I hope at all times I have access to a countdown clock alerting me as to how much time I have remaining to straighten my affairs as I might literally die laughing while watching.

I’d comment on how I think they’ll write him onto the show or discuss his chemistry but who cares. I certainly wasn’t watching before and I’m contended to continue to turn an apathetic eye roll to the show. Although, I do have one suggestion to recast the half man…

ISLA NUBLAR, Costa Rica, May 13, 2011 – In continuing with the theme set by its founder, Brundlefly On The Wall, LLC. is sprouting wings and making big moves.

Brundlefly On The Wall is thrilled to announce its presence in the Twitter universe, @BrundleflyOTW.

“I’m working on something that will change the world, and human life as we know it,” said Brundlefly On The Wall VP of Operations, Seth Brundle, on his company’s foray into the world of Twitter.

Hash tags. Trending topics. Banana hammocks. Replies. Hilarious quips. All this tomfoolery and so, so much more as Brundlefly enters the Twitterverse.

“Twitter gives our loyal little monsters and beleibers the opportunity to get their daily popculture ramblings and chuckles on the fly…or should I say on the Brundlefly!” remarked Brundle as he placed Geena Davis’ shotgun barrel against his forehead.

The company as a whole could not be more excited about the newest chapter in the drug store sex novel that is Brundlefly On The Wall’s story.

Look for new posts to all be outfitted with new Share on Twitter options and, of course, keep an eye out for the iconic Twitter bird popping up on the site. What’s that? I think I see the lil’ fella now!

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That should've been my head Tractor was palming...*sigh*

I believe I speak for all of us who sported Utility jeans and wore a t-shirt in the pool when I say that Tractor inspired me to believe that one day I too could average 14.7 ppg and 8.9 rpg for a prestigious college basketball program. Alas, I never fulfilled my basketball potential, but Traylor was still a figure I looked up too. In his honor I thought I would post just a few of my favorite Tractor Traylors of all-time.

Sin City

To say that this trailer doesn’t 110% percent rule ass is like saying Paul Blart: Mall Fart Cop doesn’t 110% rule ass. IT’S JUST A FLAT OUT UNDERSTATEMENT. Mickey Rourke? Check. Bruce Willis? Check. Jessica Alba? Check. Jessica Alba’s hips…..checccckkkk. GunsExplosionsCigarettesFrankMillerBlack&Whitekajshdfkashdfk. It’s just total system overload. Love. It.

Charlie’s Angels Full Throttle

You had me at My Sharona and Bernie Mac

Things Fall Apart

Clearly we’ve got the next Spielberg on our hand with director MVP (Mario Van Peebles for those of you who have been living in Iraq or under a rock or whatever). Not since MVP’s performances in Solo and Carlito’s Way: Rise to Power have I been so moved.

Now, I leave you with the coup de grace

Munchie

Have fun trying to sleep tonight.

Me answering the phone

Seth Brundle: Go for Grubs…

Roger Goodell: Brundle, hey butty!

SB: Rodge! You chode! What’s crappening?

RG: Nada, amigo, just watching Real World/Road Rules Challenge The Inferno 2 wrap up show, countin’ fat stacks of cash.

SB: Ha, classic Goodell. What can I do ya fer?

RG: Dude, I missed your blood orgy/American Idol viewing party, I’m feelin’ like a real jerkoff for that. Wanna make it up to ya.

SB: Go on…

RG: Come to the draft next week, all access.

SB: Totes.

RG: Bring my copy of The Pest with you, L8tr Sk8tr.

So here’s your exclusive Brundlefly recap of the 2011 NFL Draft!

Wednesday, Draft Dress Rehearsal

I arrived a bit early on wednesday to see that Roger was experimenting with ways to mix up the live show because of the Thursday primetime airing of the first round. One idea they tried that I thought was absolute gold was having a co-host to announce picks,

Apparently test audiences thought the Ultimate Warrior brought a little too much energy to the table.

I also got a chance to interview Falcons GM, Comrade Commissar Thomas Dimitroff,

But my Russian is a little rusty, so I don’t really know what he said to me, but I think he might have called me a capitalist pig a few times.

Thursday, First Round

Blah blah Cam Newton whatever who cares.

Before their first round selection, the Giants let me into the inner sanctum, pulled back the curtain to let me see how the fudge is packed on draft day.

The Gwar room was a beehive of activity on Draft day.

And with their first selection the Giants took Prince Akeem Amukamara of Zamundi!

Friday, Second and Third Rounds

I spent most of Friday in Bill Belichick’s personal draft office,

Wes Welker never misses one of Belichick's "draft strategy meetings"

I wish I had more to report but I went out that night with Adam Schefter, and though he may look like a tightly wound professional reporter, there’s a dark side…

And this is the last thing I remember…

Well, that wraps up all of the things I remember from NFL Draft 2011. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Until next time, Seth Brundle, signing off.

As the internet is wont to do, it struck another chord of genius with the advent of “Chicks with Steve Buscemeyes“.

Hilary Swank looks about the same to be honest.

**Update**

In case you were wondering as to how this gem came about, click here.

I don’t even know whether I can review this film without falling into ridiculous hyperbole and non-stop discussion of how much ass this movie kicked. But I shall try mein best.

If this is the kind of movie that is making huge dollars in Brazilian theaters while American Box Offices are topped by an animated Russell Brand rabbit “comedy” then I’m moving to Brazil, if I can keep from killing myself the next time a Hop and an Arthur trailer run during the same commercial break.

Elite Squad focuses on the efforts of the cops to combat the rampant gang and drug violence in Rio de Janeiro while also battling the wanton corruption and apathy within the police department. The movie has a winding plot where it doesn’t necessarily set up its major conflict at the beginning of the film. Elite Squad has some heavy narration/expository voice overs during the early part of the film to help the non-Brazilian viewer wade his way into the political/social environ that the movie portrays. The director, Jose Padilha, deftly informs the viewer without it being a ham-fisted history book excerpt.

About halfway through the film, the focus shifts to our two rookie cops joining Captain Nascimento’s Elite Squad (BOPE, in the film). But I’m just rambling about plot now (I think that’s bad in film reviews).

The movie has a feel of The Wire, mixed with Michael Mann’s Miami Vice and a generous dose of Mark Bowden’s Killing Pablo. The film is shot in the digital, hand held style which is normally a major problem for me. However, this film’s effects… i.e. the weapons, people, locations… are so realistic and well done that the hand held, digital style works exactly like it is intended to. Padilha puts the viewer in the moment in a way that wide panning shots and more traditional cinematography cannot. The action feels real, the immediacy of the violence is at times sickening and truly a sight to see.

I was so impressed by Jose Padilha’s control over the movie. The action is so chaotic at times, the winding and multi-tiered favelas could have so easily reduced the action scenes to confusing, random quick cuts (Hi, Quantum of Solace). Padilha and his editing team need to be recognized for doing a wonderful job in presenting that perfect balance that makes the film so damn good.

I really dislike that trailer actually because the voiceover is very misleading as to what the film is about. So ignore that doofus, trust your pal Seth Brundle.

*Additional Note

One perk of being four years late to the party on Elite Squad is that Elite Squad 2 is already out and has already become the highest grossing film in Brazil’s history. The sequel is from and starring the same people that made the original so friggin’ good. 2 played to great acclaim at Sundance and I will be anxiously awaiting any chance to see it.

Bonus trailer!

As a close friend and confidant to Big Ben himself, Brundlefly was given exclusive access to photograph the happy occasion. Enjoy.

The idyllic occasion

Are you effing kidding me??

Allow me to fully apologize for saying that dogs wearing sunglasses was a ridiculous notion, because clearly, it is the most awesome invention in terrorist hunting since water boarding. Doggles are the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.